Writing the Queer Self Stories of Identity and Belonging
While Pride Month is marked in June in many countries, Luxembourg celebrates Pride Week at the beginning of July. As the Grand Duchy prepares for its 26th edition of Pride festivities, we are sharing a reading list of personal stories of authors from the community. It brings together powerful first-person accounts that explore what it means to live authentically in the face of societal expectations, cultural norms and personal challenges.
From memoirs of coming out and transitioning, to reflections on gender, sexuality, disability and faith, each book offers a deeply individual perspective on identity and the courage it can take to be oneself. While the voices vary in background and experience – from rural France to New York City, from evangelical households to Luxembourg’s own LGBTQ+ community – what unites them is a shared honesty and a commitment to truth-telling and resilience.
Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit (Jeanette Winterson)
First published in 1985, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit is Jeanette Winterson’s debut novel: a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age story set in rural England. The novel follows young Jeanette as she grows up in a strict evangelical household and gradually comes to terms with her sexuality.
We are introduced to Jeanette as a seven-year-old, whose life has already been laid out for her: she is to become a missionary. Adopted by a devout and domineering mother, Jeanette inhabits a world governed by binary thinking: good versus evil, saved versus damned. Her mother is portrayed with both sharpness and sympathy. While her worldview is rigid and often harsh, she is not reduced to a caricature but portrayed as a woman with deep convictions, a desire to protect, and a limited ability to accept perspectives outside her own.
As Jeanette grows older, she begins to question the faith she was raised in; not by rejecting it outright, but by reinterpreting her belief in God. Her same-sex desires are met with rejection, first by her mother and then by the wider church community. Despite efforts to “correct” her, Jeanette chooses honesty over conformity, and in doing so, loses much of the social support and connection she once had.
One of the novel’s most distinctive features is its blend of narrative voices. Interwoven with the main storyline are fragments of fairytale and fantasy, which enrich the text by reflecting Jeanette’s inner life.
In the end, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit is a layered and quietly radical novel. It offers a compassionate exploration of identity, belief and family. Winterson’s portrayal of her young protagonist is full of nuance: this is a story not only of rebellion, but also of love, forgiveness, and the difficult work of self-definition.
« Arrête avec tes mensonges » (Philippe Besson)
Disponible en bibliothèque (Imprimé) – Accès en ligne (Numérique)
Dans « Arrête avec tes mensonges », Philippe Besson livre un récit d’une grande sincérité, comme une promesse faite à lui-même de ne plus mentir. Le livre se présente comme une autobiographie, mais il pourrait bien s’agir d’un récit de fiction déguisé. Le roman retrace une relation amoureuse déséquilibrée entre Thomas et l’auteur, deux adolescents dans la France rurale des années 1980, chacun empruntant un parcours différent face à leur orientation sexuelle. Si l’un choisit la conformité à la société hétéronormative dans laquelle ils vivent, l’autre tente la fidélité à soi, assumant la solitude et les défis liés à cette acceptation personnelle.
Besson parvient à rendre tangible une époque, une ambiance et les tensions silencieuses d’une société peu accueillante à la différence. Le roman examine les fractures entre classes sociales, entre le monde intérieur et les apparences, entre l’acceptation et le déni. Toutefois, il ne s’agit pas d’un texte écrit pour choquer ni pour séduire, mais plutôt pour revisiter un moment fondateur avec un regard adulte. L’écriture, sobre et maîtrisée, confère à cette introspection une puissance discrète mais profonde.
A gay diary (Donald Vining)
A gay diary consists of five volumes, narrating in great detail the life of Donald Vining, born in 1917, who moved to New York in 1942. It takes us through 50 years of his life through his diary entries. Vining lives a middle-class life, tells us of work, of friends and, as a gay man who has always been out, of the gay scene in New York at the time. Rather than focusing on dramatic events, the diary captures the texture of daily existence – friendships, romances, work, and the evolving social landscape – through a deeply personal lens.
The first volume, spanning from 1933-1946 starts with Donald at school, then attending university, where he studied playwriting. He talks about his friends, his mother, his first experiences with boys and later also of the Second World War, and the fact, that he, as a pacifist, would never want to go to war. By the end of the first volume, he had been living in New York for four years and had just introduced us to Ken, the pseudonym used for his long-term partner Richmont, with whom he would be in a relationship for 43 years, until Richmont’s death in 1989.
The diary stands out for its sheer scope and detail, making it one of the richest firsthand accounts of gay male life in the U.S. during the mid-twentieth century.
Boy erased (Garrard Conley)
In Boy erased, Garrard Conley tells the story of growing up in a conservative family, his father being a Baptist pastor, and of his realisation that he is interested in boys instead of girls. At university, after being outed to his parents by the man who raped him, and not wanting to disappoint his father, he agrees to attend conversion therapy at LIA (Love in Action). The book details Conley’s time at the programme and the different torments he and other teens endured there: from a mock funeral of oneself, where the others read obituaries, to how they had died of AIDS because of their homosexuality, to trying to hammer in the message that being their authentic self meant unhappiness – and that, with just enough dedication, they could come back to the righteous path. Yet after all his suffering, Conley generally never blames his parents, or anyone involved. The book is a journey through identity, shame, and the continued search for acceptance and happiness.
What makes this read so compelling isn’t just the harrowing experience, but Conley’s poetic, introspective voice. It is both a deeply personal narrative and a broader indictment of the institutions that seek to erase people for who they are.
As a woman (Paula Stone Williams)
Available at the library (Print copy) – Available online (E-book)
“When you finally do find the courage to transition genders, enlightened people think they know your narrative. ‘Paula felt like a girl in a boy’s body.’ For me, that was not true. I felt like a boy in a boy’s body and I didn’t like it. I wished I had been born a girl. I felt I was supposed to have been born a girl.”
As a Woman: What I Learned About Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy After I Transitioned by Paula Stone Williams is a deeply personal and eye-opening memoir that explores gender, identity, and privilege through the lens of a transgender woman’s journey. A common thread that is found in Paula’s story, like on so many others on this list, is the conservative and religious background. Her father was a pastor, just as Garrard Conley’s was, and, before her transition, she had followed in his footsteps.
From the first chapter, we find little hints of how even boys and girls are treated unequally, and how this goes on all through life as what is called “male privilege”. She writes of how she entered the world of men, had no problem of being accepted, and in turned accepted it, without thinking twice and realizing her privilege at the time.
She reflects on, how, with transitioning, and her loosing these privileges, she only then notices having had them in the first place. It is a very unique point of view, of someone who was born into privilege, into unlimited opportunities, losing them, as they experience what the other gender is experiencing on a daily basis. With clarity and compassion, she talks about navigating sexism and redefining her faith and purpose. The book is both a spiritual and social reckoning, offering insights into the lived realities of gender inequality and the resilience it takes to live authentically. The way Paula makes very clear and concise analyses of society makes it a very engaging book. It is a powerful read for anyone interested in gender justice, faith, or the human capacity for transformation.
Amateur (Thomas Page McBee)
Just like As a woman, Amateur is an exploration of gender norms and masculinity, this time written through the lens of Thomas McBee, the first trans man to ever box in Madison Square Garden. During his training to participate in this charity boxing match, McBee takes us through what he has learned about testosterone, about masculinity, about what society views as manly and why men act the way they do. As McBee prepares to fight, he talks to sociologists, a geneticist, doctors and other specialists. He interrogates the cultural scripts around manhood, violence, and vulnerability, blending personal narrative with social critique. He wrestles with the contradictions of masculinity, drawing on everything from neuroscience to his own lived experience. The result is a thoughtful, graceful meditation on what it means to be a “good man” in a world that often equates masculinity with dominance.
Go the way your blood beats (Emmett de Monterey)
Go the way your blood beats is a powerful and deeply personal memoir that explores the intersections of disability, queerness, and identity. Emmett, a gay man with cerebral palsy, grew up in 1980s London and the book takes us through his baby years, childhood and eventually adulthood. He offers a unique view on the gay scene, often being made to feel invisible and unworthy of desire by the community because of his disability. Emmett’s style is deeply personal and unflinching and he perfectly captures the pain of exclusion and the quiet triumphs of self-discovery.
The book has been praised for its emotional honesty and vivid storytelling, offering a rare and necessary perspective on what it means to live at the margins. It’s not just a memoir: it’s a call to be seen, to be heard, and to be loved as you are.
Coming out stories (ed. by Centre LGBTIQ+ CIGALE)
As the theme for this reading list is specifically personal accounts, it is fitting to include a little book, that Centre LGBTIQ+ CIGALE published in 2020. It contains the stories of thirteen people of the Luxembourgish LGBTQ+ community, between the ages of 24 and 59.
There are a few common themes through most of the accounts, like the fact that they felt different from a very young age, the social pressures, the fear to come out, especially to their families, and be their genuine selves. The stories also show, that even though today’s climate is still far from perfect, the younger people found their true self faster, as the topic is more widely discussed in society, than the older people, who sometimes didn’t even know that such a thing as same-sex attraction exists. Some of the stories are deeply emotional and it shows just how deep the impact can be depending on a person’s environment.
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